he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
