Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Randomize
