i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
