I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
