he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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