we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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