so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
People in love make me want to vomit
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
