I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
