I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
