That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
