The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
