I bet he comes in French.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
