tell your sister to shave her snatch
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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