WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
