I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
