I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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