No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
