we're blogging at a bar
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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