Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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