My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
