If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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