When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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