If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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