i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
