i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
