even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
