god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize