I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
