wakey wakey hands off snakey
I want to make a zoo with you.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
