I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
