you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
