Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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