I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
