I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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