people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm at about main and main street
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
