I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
