Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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