The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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