her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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