you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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