I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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