You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
