i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
