youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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