..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I need water and some morals
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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