So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
