Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Shame - the story of my life.
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