I just pynch a tree in the face
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
