I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
