I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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