My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
