Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
