I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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