Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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