I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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