Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
