I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
