Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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