Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
