Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
