Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize