i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
