I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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