i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
