Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
