I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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