Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
