Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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