you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize
