Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
