So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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