Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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