I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
