ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just had sex on a roof
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize